Guest writer Jill Woolworth is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist at the Greenwich Center for Hope and Renewal in Greenwich, CT. The end of year holiday season is stressful, especially for women. The following is an article she wrote to help us understand that we’re not crazy, we’re simply exhausted.
From Jill…
Please don’t shoot me for reminding you that Hanukkah and Christmas are around the corner. Over the years, I have compiled a list of 107 activities that families do on top of their already full schedules in the weeks leading up to the holidays.
Women, and mothers in particular, begin racing their engines in early November for the holiday dash, navigating tight turns between school and office activities, parties, decorating, entertaining, shopping, baking, cooking and gift delivering. The course includes dodging rivers of alcohol, swerving around high calorie mountains, running through caverns of gift selection, around walls of intense shoppers and along endless highways of errands. If you feel overwhelmed, you are not alone.
If we are aware of how much time and effort we put into the holidays ahead of time it might help us to prepare differently and enjoy them more. At the very least, we might give ourselves a little grace.
My suggestion is to print this list and circle all the things your family does. You may find you only do half–not everyone hosts a big party or travels in December. Nevertheless, half is still 53.5 more activities than usual. Once you finish circling items on the list, there is a second instruction at the bottom that may be helpful to do with your significant other or children.
The Holidays: Things Families Do (not in any particular order)
- Plan & take holiday photo
- Coordinate attire & setting for holiday photo
- Revise holiday card mailing list
- Write letter/message for holiday card
- Design/make/order holiday cards
- Stuff cards
- Address cards
- Buy stamps
- Stamp & mail cards
- Open & display cards received
- Buy gifts for grandparents or other relatives to give to your children
- Update changes of address in database
- Add religious readings, songs & games
- Create holiday art projects with children
- Plan & execute holiday baking with children
- Help children make/buy/deliver presents to others
- Respond with gifts/checks for delivery people who send holiday cards
- Help kids write thank you cards (or write for them yourself)
- Keep track of gifts purchased so children receive equal amounts
- Buy hostess gifts
- Wrap hostess gifts
- Make gift list for family
- Make gift list for friends
- Make gift list for teachers
- Make gift list for professional help & office staff
- Make gift list for neighbors & pets
- Buy/make gifts for family
- Buy/make gifts for friends
- Buy/make gifts for teachers
- Buy/make gifts for office staff (your own and/or your spouse’s)
- Buy/ make/deliver gifts for hairdresser & other professional helpers
- Buy/make /coordinate gifts for spouse & children to give to relatives
- Buy wrapping supplies
- Make multiple trips to the Post Office to mail gifts
- Wrap all gifts
- Buy gifts for holiday charity/toy drives
- Wrap and deliver gifts for charity drive
- Plan stocking gifts
- Put out/buy/make stockings
- Wrap stocking gifts
- Buy Hanukkah/Christmas candles & special candy
- Plan post-holiday vacation
- Buy tickets for vacation
- Book hotel
- Book rental car
- Book babysitter
- Pack yourself for vacation
- Pack children for vacation
- Make arrangements for pets
- Cancel newspapers
- Organize someone to check on house & mail
- Bake traditional holiday foods for family and to give as gifts
- Plan who is coming to which events
- Invite people to each event
- Make beds or arrangements for guests
- Clean guest room(s)
- Buy & put up Christmas/holiday tree & wreath(s)
- Clean/shine menorah and dreidels
- Buy new holiday decorations as needed
- Decorate house/tree
- Water tree regularly
- Put up outdoor holiday lighting
- Buy replacement lights
- Buy holiday flowers
- Buy holiday centerpiece(s)
- Attend multiple holiday evening events
- Attend holiday lunches
- Buy and wrap hostess gifts for parties/lunches
- Attend multiple school holiday events
- Take holiday photos/videos at school
- Share photos & videos with extended family
- Plan a holiday party
- Make list of invitees
- Design invitation
- Advise relatives requesting help choosing gifts for your children
- Send invitation via snail mail or online
- Manage RSVP list
- Plan food for party
- Buy flowers & other decorations for party
- Hire a caterer or plan food
- Rent or move furniture for party
- Hire staff for party
- Hire parking staff for party
- Clean house for party
- Prepare food for party
- Plan holiday meals
- Prepare special holiday foods (latkes, cranberry bread)
- Shop for holiday meals
- Buy liquor for entertaining
- Prepare food for multiple holiday evenings
- Prepare special holiday breakfast food
- Iron tablecloth(s) and napkins
- Vacuum between events
- Re-lay fires in fireplaces
- Put out food and/or letter for Santa & reindeer
- Assemble toys, batteries included
- Put gifts under tree
- Fill stockings
- Take down tree & wreaths
- Put away ornaments & other holiday decorations
- Attend traditional holiday concerts & shows
- Dismantle & put away outdoor decorations
- Write thank your letters
- Return & exchange gifts
- Spend gift cards
- Charge iPads & other devices for trip & upload entertainment
- Prepare house and kids for departure
Now go back through the list and star all the ones your family helps with. You may be surprised at the results.
If we added to this activity list the psychosocial challenges that peak at holiday time– loneliness for those who are alone or have recently lost a loved one, family tensions and holiday expectations for others, we’d see even better just how complicated a season it is.
As you start your engine, pause to remember the reason for the season. Three little “D” words can help: Defer, Delete and Delegate. Deferring your holiday card or party to Valentine’s Day or Memorial Day might be a gift not only to yourself but also a gift to your friends. We’ll all have more time in the New Year. Deleting Great Aunt Betty’s intricate homemade stuffing in favor of a simpler recipe might give you an extra hour of sleep and deleting multiple gifts in favor of one may allow family members to focus on the real meaning of the holiday. Delegating tasks to family members will help them feel more involved. Everyone wants to be part of a team and you need a pit crew!
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!
© Jill S. Woolworth, LMFT, 2015